In recent times, we’ve heard or have seen colourful signs with the words “Be kind” mostly promoted by Western, liberal feminists who would say stuff like “Feminism is for everybody” while wearing a pink t-shirt with “Girls just wanna have fundamental rights” printed on it. So, what the hell does “Be Kind” mean?
Liberal feminists have managed to make feminism more mainstream and popular by removing the analysis, the work, the politics and the collective. They’ve turned ‘feminism’ into a lifestyle choice and in turn have contributed to its commercialisation. In liberal feminists’ minds, wearing pink lipstick or wearing heels while twerking to “Wet Ass Pussy” feels empowering so that must mean that that’s feminism, which of course is not.
Wet Ass Pussy or WAP by Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B, which samples Frank Ski’s hit, ‘Whores in this House’ debuted at no. 1 in 2020 and while that in itself is something to take pride in, personal achievements by women has nothing to do with feminism.
Individual choices that have nothing to do with challenging the current status quo and everything to do with pleasing men are not feminist acts.
Saying ‘feminism is for everybody’ is also not a feminist act. In liberal feminists’ attempts at being kind, the intersectional part which was supposed to focus on class, race, disability and sexual orientation has been watered down to include every single person on the planet because free emotional labour is what girls and women are expected to do.
You’re probably wondering, why is this an issue? Why can’t you just leave them be and “be kind”?
Because the demand to “Be kind” that liberal feminists have appropriated actually harms women and girls.
Be kind does not mean be blind.
Over the years, radical feminists or women in general have received abuse on Twitter and in real life with messages like “I’ll kill you” or “die TERF” which liberal feminists have deemed acceptable.
One of the messages we got for example, threatened to put us in gulags.
This is the kind of behaviour that liberal feminists turn a blind eye on or sometimes even participate in while yelling “Be kind”. With their pitchforks out, they’ve completely dehumanised other women by calling them TERFS & SWERFS and have joined forces with men in their witch hunt.
If multiple people send you dick pics while telling you to suck their dicks and choke on it, how would you respond?
If someone throws an egg at you or attacks you when you’re protesting prostitution, one of the worst human rights abuse known to women, how would you respond?
When you’re being threatened with violence, would you just lie down like a doormat and allow people to abuse you and walk all over you? Because “BE KIND”, right?
NO.
The female population across the world has been socialised to be kind, to take on the role of the “nurturer” and to be more understanding. We have been burdened with the expectation that we should just dismiss our feelings or our boundaries to appease. Don’t be difficult. Be more “ladylike”. Be docile. Be submissive. Be more selfless. Smile more.
It is the slogan “Be kind” that pushes the idea that girls and women should just laugh off that sexist joke a male colleague or a male friend made.
“Be kind” is that voice in many women’s heads that tell them to take a step back when a man is too close for comfort or not scream or tell a man off when we’re groped so we don’t ‘cause a scene’.
“Be kind” is that voice that tells girls and women to ignore red flags or makes them forget or fear to say “No” when their boundaries are being pushed.
“Be kind” is what makes some women tolerate pain while having sex so as not to hurt their partner’s feelings or so they can be considered ‘fun’ and ‘kinky’.
“Be kind” is what made us lose the word “woman” to describe us in order to validate other people’s identities so now we’re reduced to being called our body parts or our bodily functions such as ‘vulva owners’, ‘menstruators’, ‘chest-feeders’ and ‘anyone with a cervix’.
A huge number of women shared their #MeToo stories and the hope that liberal feminists might finally get it quickly evaporated because with every story, we also got #NotAllMen.
Of course not all men are like that but many women have been catcalled on the streets and many have been on the receiving end of being called “whore”, “slut” and “cunt” for ignoring the “compliments”. Yet it is girls and women who hold their tongues from retaliating because “Be kind”, right?
Based on experience, most women know that it’s easier to hold our heads down and not further make men angry.
When my ex wanted to get back together, he grabbed a knife, put it on his wrist and told me he was going to kill himself if we weren’t going to be together. It was the notion of being kind that deprived me of seeing that that was coercive control.
‘Be kind’ is exactly the reason why many young girls and women don’t realise that calling for the punching or burning of “TERFS” & “SWERFS” is misogynistic because in their minds, they’re being kind to marginalised groups. Notice that those girls and women who scream, “be kind” don’t shout it at boys and men. That emotional labour falls on girls and women again.
While “be kind” sounds like a nice thing to say, it has been used as a tool to keep women in check, to keep girls and women in boxes where their boundaries are dismissed and how they’re supposed to do their best to never offend men.
Patriarchy has groomed girls and women to think that the best way to succeed in the system is to “be kind” hence why breadcrumbs of decency from men or society are celebrated and lapped up.
But what liberal feminists fail to see is that no matter how kind they are and no matter how much they mould themselves into the perfect versions of themselves according to what men deem ‘fuckable’ or ‘agreeable’ or ‘the right kind of feminist’, they’ll never truly be free.
